doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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