We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened