Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
