I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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