i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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