I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
