I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize