If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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