i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
