Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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