I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
