I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
