the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
