what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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