We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
