I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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