I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
