my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
