i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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