Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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