he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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