I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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