mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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