Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think i peed on brittanys purse
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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