The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
