question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
