I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
