Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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