i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
