The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
