So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
