Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
