he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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