I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i drank out of a bidet.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
