I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
