the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
