There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
