dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
