I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
