Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
