I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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