I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
