he wants to bone in the snuggie
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
