so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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