So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
