Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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