So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
