i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
