And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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