p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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