i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
