dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Someone signed my nipple.
True college students do jello shots in the library
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
