i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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