I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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