Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
