are you still at the devil's house?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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