im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
