I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
