shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
