The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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