I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
