It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
