we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
