i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
