It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
