I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
