I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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