There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
