I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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