i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
