problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
