Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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