she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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