so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
