I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
