just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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