are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
